Don’t Love Yourself — Be Love

You’ve probably heard the phrase many times: “Love yourself.”

It’s kind advice. And for many people, it can be an important beginning.

But you might try a small experiment in perception.

When we hear, “love yourself,” there is often a quiet division in the mind. There is the one who is doing the loving, and there is the one who is supposed to receive it—a subject and an object. One part of us trying to take care of another part.

That can be helpful. It can soften harsh self-judgment. It can begin to heal old wounds.

And yet, there is another possibility.

Rather than trying to direct love toward yourself, what happens if you simply rest as Love itself?

Not something you send somewhere.

Not something you manufacture.

Just the open quality of the heart when it is not contracted.

When the heart-mind opens in this way, love is no longer aimed in a particular direction. It becomes the space from which experience unfolds. Within that space there is often a natural sense of warmth, acceptance, compassion, joy, and equanimity. And these qualities are not limited to one person or one direction—they extend naturally toward yourself and toward others.

And it’s important to gently consider this perceptual shift.

For those who carry deep trauma, or who struggle with strong self-criticism or self-hatred, this openness may not feel immediately accessible. In those moments, practicing self-love—learning to treat yourself with kindness and care—can be a very meaningful and necessary step. There’s no need to rush beyond where you are.

The path can unfold gradually.

Still, you might hold this simple invitation in the background of your practice:

Be Love.

Be Loved.

When the heart-mind rests in its natural openness, the boundary between self and other becomes much less solid.

In that openness, love is no longer something you give or receive.

It is simply what you are.

© 2026 Larry Cammarata, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist and Mindfulness Educator

Mindfulness Travels provides continuing education retreats to beautiful, inspiring places throughout the world with leaders in the fields of mindfulness-based psychology, process-based therapy, and mindful movement.